Weddings are a canvas for personal expression, each couple adding their unique brushstrokes to the 'I Do'. For some, this means incorporating a Unity Ceremony, a moment of creative expression amidst the scripted ceremony. It's a special touch, a unique way to immortalize the event with more than just words.
On a practical level, a Unity ceremony is a pivotal moment. It not only breaks up the ceremony, allowing the couple to move, address each other, or acknowledge family and friends, but it also serves as a platform for the couple to shine. While the officiant usually carries the lion’s share of the ceremony, the Unity Ceremony is a unique opportunity for the couple to step into the spotlight and make the event their own.
This ceremony is probably the most familiar. While it has the look and feel of an ancient practice, no one is sure how it started. Its popularity began after it was used in a wedding ceremony on General Hospital in 1981. Whatever the case, the candle ceremony began to appear at weddings across the United States and quickly became a tradition adopted by many couples.
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The basic concept involves three candles. The mothers of the bride and groom typically light two side candles. These candles represent individual families. The bride and groom then take these candles and light the center candle. The Unity Candle symbolizes the family's unification.
As a sign of commitment from the families, let me invite the mothers to come over to the unity candle. The light of these candles represents the warmth and fragility of love. As you light these separate candles, let us reflect on their significance today. Before this moment, your families each walked a separate path. The families are well-represented, and we celebrate their individual strengths. Their candle is one unit with two wicks, symbolizing that even in unity, they can remain individuals. They will become one family, but each brings their own uniqueness to the union.
(Bride and Groom light the candles)
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Flames taken from the candles their mothers lit (Bride) and (Groom) light one candle together. (Bride and Groom slowly light the center candle.) Their candle is one unit with two wicks, symbolizing that even in unity, they can remain individuals. They will become one family, but each brings their own uniqueness to the union.
Click here for my favorite candle set.
A Sand Ceremony is usually a good choice for outdoor ceremonies or for environments where candles are impractical or not permitted. A sand ceremony is like a candle ceremony, except… You guessed it, you use sand. Traditionally, there are two containers of sand, often with different colors. The couple pours the two containers of sand into a third container. The combination of the sands symbolizes the couple's union.
There have been variations of this, especially in blended families, where children have their own containers of sand. I officiated at a ceremony once where the couple and four children each had a container, and we combined all six into one.
The most beautiful example of this partnership is the marriage relationship. You have committed here today to share the rest of your lives. This relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these two individual containers of sand: one representing you (Bride), and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be, and the other representing you (Groom), and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be.
As these two containers of sand are poured into the third container, the individual containers will no longer exist; they will be joined into one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into individual containers, your marriage will be united for all of your days.
I wrote extensively about the wine box in another blog post. You can read it here. The basic idea is to get a box, a bottle of wine, and ask the couple to each write a letter. The couple places the letters inside the box, along with the bottle of wine. They close the box and commit to opening it on their first anniversary. They read the letters, drink the wine, and make it a tradition that continues every year. Here are three different text samples that have been used for the Wine Box Ceremony.
(Bride) and (Groom) found (or made) a strong wooden box to hold a bottle of wine. Each of them wrote a love letter to the other, expressing their feelings, why and how they fell in love, and their hopes for the future. They kept these letters secret and sealed them in the box with the bottle of wine.
They are going to open the box every anniversary. They will drink the wine and read the letters, remembering all the wonderful things that happened today and during their first year as a married couple. They will then put in a new bottle of wine, place the letters back inside, and reseal it. Every year, in celebration of their love, Bryan and Amanda have promised to open the box, drink the wine together, and read the letter that they wrote to each other in preparation for today, as a reminder of their love.
“Like good wine, a great love will deepen and mature with age. As a part of today’s ceremony, (Groom) and (Bride) have captured their thoughts leading up to this day in personal notes to each other. Also, they have asked their parents to compose notes containing their thoughts and their most important piece of advice to the couple as they journey through life together. These notes will be sealed in this box to be opened and shared with a bottle of wine at every anniversary celebration.
At this time, I would ask the parents to come forward and place their note and a bottle of wine inside this box.
And I now ask that (Bride) and (Groom) place their letters with a bottle of wine for each other. On that joyous day next year, they will reflect on the events and emotions they shared on this wonderful day. Should you ever find your marriage in serious trouble, the wine and love letters would be there to help. (Groom) and (Bride) have promised to open the box, drink the wine together, and read the letter they wrote to each other in preparation for their nuptials, as a reminder of their love, before making any rash choices or decisions to separate. I will now seal the box.”
Beside me is a simple wooden box. It is nothing fancy, just pieces of plywood nailed together. (Bride) and (Groom) had this box made to sit in a place of honor by the fireplace as a constant reminder of their commitment to each other.
This box will hold a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. Each of them wrote a love letter to the other, expressing their feelings, why and how they fell in love, and their hopes for the future. They kept these letters secret and will seal them in the box.
So, they promise to open the box, drink the wine together, and read the letter they wrote to each other as a reminder of their love on their anniversary each year. Or, if the pair should ever find their marriage in serious trouble, the wine and love letters would be there to help.
Click Here for my favorite kind of Wine Box
Handfasting is an age-old tradition symbolizing the joining of two people in marriage. Many versions of this gesture illustrate the union of husband and wife. It is where the phrase “tying the knot” originated.
The Irish-Celtic tradition of handfasting dates back about 2000 years. In ancient Ireland, when two people chose to be married, they were brought together, and a braided cord or ribbon was tied around their hands in the presence of a priest. This act merely acknowledged the pair's engagement, which typically lasted a year. It is a recent tradition to merge this act of engagement into the actual wedding ceremony.
The simplest way to include this is to use a decorative rope, cord, or ribbon and tie it around the couple's hands. I usually incorporate this element when the couple has exchanged rings as they face each other and their hands are already together.
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These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours as you build your future together. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will, countless times, wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will help you hold your family together. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that, even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch. With this cord, I bind (Groom) and (Bride) to the vows they make to each other. The knots of this binding are not formed by this cord, but by your vows. You hold in your hands and hearts the making or breaking of this union. May your marriage be blessed with patience and dedication, forgiveness and respect, love and understanding.
The Unity Cross is a multi-piece sculpture assembled during the Unity Service of your Wedding Ceremony, representing how “The Two Become One.”
The Backboard of the sculpture is crafted with three planks of wood representing the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This representation will lay the foundation for Faith and the 3-part covenant that the bride and groom are entering into. The long piece of the Unity Cross represents the groom. The shorter crosspiece represents the bride.
It is a beautiful display that can be displayed in the couple's home after the wedding. While there are numerous places to find something like this, Michael Letney at UnityCross.com is by far the best. Feel free to reach out to him.
Foot Washing is a Christian tradition that symbolizes love and service. At the Last Supper, Jesus gathered his disciples. During this meal, Jesus institutes communion and performs this act of service.
All you need is a basin, a small water pitcher, and a towel or two. Whoever is doing the “washing” invites the other person to have a seat. After removing their shoes, the person performing the washing pours water over the other person’s feet, cleans the dirt, and mucks off their feet.
In John chapter 13, Jesus, “rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments and, taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”
Why was this so unnerving? In the first century, foot washing was akin to removing your shoes when entering someone’s house. Perhaps the dirtiest thing in the world is the bottom of someone’s shoe. Many people wore sandals; some wore nothing. But everyone’s feet were filthy.
In a home, as a custom of hospitality, a host would provide water and a servant to wash the guests' feet. Jesus gives his followers a very simple command: “Love one another.” The whole theme of the night was love.
The message is clear, whether this is done as a proposal or during the ceremony. “I am not here to get something from you, but rather give something to you, or specifically do something for you. Our marriage is focused on serving you, and that is what I believe I needed to commit to in that moment.”
I wrote another post on Foot washing that can be found here
A lasso, rope, or cord is a beautiful symbol for weddings. For centuries, we have used the term "tying the knot" to describe a wedding. That is part of what the rope represents. It is similar to the hand-fasting ceremony.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). This passage from Ecclesiastes illustrates the importance of companionship. Two that are bound together are stronger than the individuals themselves. The Lasso symbolizes that sacred union created on your wedding day.
We place the lasso over the couple’s shoulders. It symbolizes the union of those within the lasso, and while we symbolically bring two families together, the lasso symbolizes something important: the formation of a new household. Genesis tells us of the man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife. Something changes today within this circle. This circle symbolizes their everlasting union and status as a new household.
This ceremony is gaining popularity. The couple chooses to plant a new tree in the yard at their home. A beautiful way to mark a new beginning. First, they choose the tree. Then, they secure a container of soil from the yard of each of their family homes. The bride gets some dirt from her childhood home, and the groom does the same. The tree is set up behind the officiant, and during this unity ceremony, the couple takes their individual containers and empties them into one pot.
This is a beautiful ceremony, but please take the necessary precautions. Dirt and a wedding dress should rarely, if ever, be mentioned in the same sentence.
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(Groom) and (Bride) will now participate in a Tree-Planting Ceremony. In doing so, they symbolize the roots of their relationship and the continued growth of their love, as they become each other’s family today.
Love is the essence of human experience and emotion. It is the root of everything we do. Love enriches our experience and fills our lives with meaning. It gives us a firm base from which to grow, learn, and change.
Let your relationship and your love for each other be like this tree you planted today. Let it grow tall and strong. Let it stand tall during the harsh winds, rains, and storms and still come through unscathed. Like a tree, your marriage must be resilient. It must weather the challenges of daily life and the passage of time. And just as the tree you are planting requires constant nurturing and nourishment, marriage does too.
After the ceremony, the couple plants a tree at their home or a designated location to symbolize the planting of roots, longevity, and strength of their marriage.
A family bouquet is made by combining two small bouquets of flowers into one large bouquet for display. The mothers of the bride and groom each carry a small bouquet representing their family's heritage. You can use flowers that are special to you, or flowers that represent the state (or country) you come from.
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(Groom) and (Bride) will now take part in a Bouquet and Flower Ceremony. Each mother has a small bouquet of flowers, representing their family.
(Bride’s) Flowers are sunflowers and wheat from Kansas, where she grew up. The sunflower is the state flower of Kansas. Sunflowers symbolize joy, positivity, loyalty, adoration, and strength because they follow the sun. Culturally, sunflowers represent good fortune, spiritual enlightenment, and resilience. Wheat, on the other hand, symbolizes abundance, fertility, and prosperity, as well as life, death, and resurrection. In Christianity, wheat often represents Christ's body and the Eucharist.
(Groom) grew up in Ohio, but his family is from Croatia. So his flowers were Carnations from Ohio and irises. Iris is the national flower of Croatia and symbolizes faith, hope, courage, wisdom, and admiration. Carnations symbolize pure love and adoration. Pink carnations especially say, "I will never forget you."
At this time, let me ask the mothers to hand their flowers to the bride and groom.
After the ceremony, they will have them preserved. But today they will form a bouquet and place it in a vase.
To read the full story of this couple, click here.
Think of all the planning that goes into your wedding. Of course, it will be memorable for you both, but you can make it truly unique with a unity ceremony of your choice. Nevertheless, whatever you choose to do, we wish you the best.
For a PDF Document containing the sample text scripts, please see below.
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