The Calendar Can Save Your Marriage

Everyone lives on a calendar.

Nowadays, that calendar is on your phone. Even to the point that Siri, Alexxa or Google tells you what to do.  While there are certainly downfalls to tech, this can be embraced by a couple struggling with communication.  The goal for all couples to be on the same page.  So the high tech way to get on the same page is to sync your calendar!!! There are a number of opportunities for conflict over missed appointments, miscommunication over completing tasks, forgotten performances, broken promises, etc. A child is left alone after a sports practice because both parents thought the other was going to pick them up.  

For some, this once in a lifetime story of forgetting to pick up their child, can mutate and become a template, something that is common or expected, as well as the conflict afterwards. One of the basic conflicts that can be solved is the accountability question of where someone is or where they have been.

The calendar is an effective tool for the premarital couple and for the couple that is struggling.  They are developing skills and building time for functional behavior. Also, we are trying to get ahead of the most common types of conflict.  The goal is to create good exchanges and eliminate as many opportunities for reactive responses.

The idea is simple: Everybody knows where everyone is and/ or supposed to be.

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Whether it is on paper, smart phones or on a big corkboard in a central room, the calendar needs to be accessible and visible.  The idea is simple: Everybody knows where everyone is and/ or supposed to be. The content of the calendar should be updated weekly (preferably on a Sunday evening, the beginning of the week). If changes are made, obviously make sure all parties are involved.

The calendar becomes the silent partner in the room and serves as a safety net to support the couple.  

What you need to know is how limited your time is.  There is a choice every couple has with their time together (what little time there is after work, children and life responsibilities). You can spend time building the emotional connection or dealing with conflict. When there is conflict present, especially unresolved conflict, people make time to argue. That conflict robs the couple of what they are looking for individually.  For those who have a standard 9 to 5 schedule, they can look forward to and enjoy their evenings and weekends instead of dreading the conflict.