A Calendar Can Save Your Marriage

Everyone lives on a calendar.

Nowadays, that calendar is on your phone. To the point that Siri, Alexa, or Google can even tell you your schedule. While there are certainly downsides to technology, couples who struggle with communication should embrace it—the goal for all couples is to be on the same page. The easiest way to get on the same page is to sync your calendars. You can easily avoid arguments over missed appointments, miscommunication, incomplete tasks, forgotten performances, and broken promises. A child can be left waiting at school after a sports practice because both parents thought the other would pick them up. For some, this once-in-a-lifetime story can evolve and become a template, something familiar or expected, and the conflict that follows. The fundamental accountability question of where someone is or where they have been can resolve many common conflicts.

The calendar is an effective tool for both the premarital couple and the struggling married couple.  Couples are developing skills and building time for functional behavior. Additionally, we are trying to anticipate and address the most common types of conflict.  The goal is to foster positive exchanges and minimize opportunities for reactive responses.

The idea is simple: everybody knows where everyone is or is supposed to be.

The calendar must be accessible and visible on paper, smartphones, or a giant corkboard in a central room. The idea is simple: everybody knows where everyone is and/ or is supposed to be. The content of the calendar should be updated weekly (preferably on Sunday evening, the beginning of the week). If someone changes something on the calendar, make sure everyone is aware.

The calendar becomes the silent partner in the room, serving as a safety net to support the couple.  Couples should be aware of the limited time they have.  There is a choice every couple has with their time together (what little time there is after work, children, and life responsibilities). You can spend time building an emotional connection or dealing with conflict. People make time to argue when there is conflict, especially unresolved conflict. That conflict robs the couple of what they are looking for individually.  Those with a standard 9-to-5 schedule can look forward to and enjoy their evenings and weekends instead of dreading the conflict.

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So put an end to small arguments by improving the communication between the both of you and get on the same page (or same calendar).

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Background Image: Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/man-in-red-long-sleeved-shirt-853151/

Thumbnail Image: Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-couple-talking-while-holding-laptop-and-ipad-4065158/