August 24, 2019
I am a huge sports fan, and I love Monday Night Football on ESPN. The games are usually good, but there is a weekly segment that I look forward to. It is called "C'mon Man!" It is part of the pregame coverage. The segment always highlights head-scratching plays, mind-numbing decisions, and hilarious football bloopers. I live to see a "C'mon Man" moment on Monday Night Football. But I never want to see it on a Saturday afternoon at a wedding reception.
As a minister, I have performed over 1800 weddings. Although I no longer attend as many receptions as I used to, I still attend a fair number every year. One of the highlights (or, unfortunately, sometimes the low-lights) is the speeches or toasts offered during the reception.
The biggest mistake is not preparing. So I want to give guys a little advice.
The first thing I want to say is this. Prepare something in advance. The best man takes a microphone and the first thing he says is, "I really did not prepare anything..." I inwardly groan because more times than not, the speech is going to meander, embarrass, and not say what should be said in that moment. Whoever asked you to be the best man knew that you would be the one saying something at the reception. Make sure you prepare something ahead of time.
How should you prepare a good best man speech? Sometimes they are too brief, and at other times, they are too long. At times, they can become so personal or emotional that the speaker forgets that 200 people are watching. If the toast is a long list of inside jokes or punchlines that only a few people in the room know, then there is an awkwardness that goes through the crowd. If the best man is already intoxicated, then it will be a classic train wreck. The best man does not want to be “that guy!” Being that guy is easy… If you don’t prepare. If you just get up and start rambling, you will be that guy!
So, where can you start? For the groom looking for a basic outline, use this one:
First and foremost, say thank you. Be gracious. Thank the family, the couple, the new wife, especially, and those present. Thank some of them, or all of them. Few speeches go bad if they begin with thankfulness. A strong “Thank You” breaks the ice and sets the tone. You can never go wrong saying thank you.
Few speeches go bad if they begin with thankfulness.
Say something humorous. Go here with caution. Remember, it is “public funny,” not “privately embarrassing.” The story of getting into trouble as children is different than the story of the groom’s ex-girlfriend. Before saying something, as all good comedians should, you should test the material. Ask someone first. The most excited and nervous person during the best man’s toast is the groom. He is expecting "The Roast," but on some level, he also wants to hear something good at that moment.
From the humorous story, move towards your friendship. This moment is a chance for you to build back up from whatever you said in point two. Here is where you will mention how long you have known each other (or how long you have been friends, brothers, or family members). This section is a time to compliment the groom, to praise him. In honoring the groom, you are honoring the family, the parents, and most importantly, the bride. “She is a lucky person to be with this guy because…,” because of something you have seen or known for some time. Many times, this is something you have known for possibly years before the bride even came into the picture. Finally, in honoring the groom, you, in turn, honor yourself. If all you do is roast or rip the best man, the result is about you. You are this guy’s best friend. If you are his Best man, then on some level, he has been your Best man.
The close of the toast is a blessing, a wish for the future, good luck, prosperity, Mazel Tov, Cheers! Based on what you said in points 1, 2, and 3, land the plane in point 4—wishing the couple a bright future. Ask everyone in attendance to raise their glasses and wish the groom and his new bride all the best. Show the groom and everyone else in attendance why he chose you to be the best man. Follow the adage of “Do unto others…” Write the speech on some level as if you were wanting to hear this at your wedding.
Main image credit: melanie-villeneuve-70RHiKO9kj8-unsplash
Cover Image: Michael Damron