January 20, 2020
There is a day in January that has become notorious. It is called Blue Monday. This term was coined back in 2005 to describe the third Monday of January, which is often considered the most depressing day of the year. Oddly enough, it falls on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in the United States, so some see the whole week as blue or the following Monday. How can anyone hate a day off from work or a day of service to others? But whatever Monday in January you pick makes sense.
In reality, it is pseudo-science and superstition, but for many, it feels real. Christmas is over, and the doldrums of winter have set in. The bills from the holidays begin to arrive. The snowy weather that would have been exciting during the week of Christmas and New Year's always seems to show up three weeks late. And it usually makes up for lost time. The virus that's been going around tends to affect you or the whole family. And an unusually high number of people you know are going on vacations to warm places, but not you.
January is the highest month for divorce filings.
I'm not sure if Blue Monday is a real thing, but there is a growing body of evidence suggesting a very bleak January phenomenon. This evidence includes media reports, court filings, and statements from lawyers, all confirming that January is the highest month for divorce filings. But why?
The most common explanation is the idea of getting through the holidays for the sake of the family. No one wants to mess things up at Christmas time. The theory suggests that the divorce plans have already been decided upon; they are just waiting until Christmas is over. Ironically, those who go through divorce struggle the most during that first holiday season. The nostalgia of the holidays causes many to wonder if their actions were the right move. But if they have “set their face” to it in December, the result is action in January after the dust has settled. The 'whisperers with relatives' in December, where the decision is hinted at, become 'statements in January', where the decision is openly declared.
There are things to look for at any time of the year, but they can be glossed over in January. Mostly it is a change of habits or behavior. They go unnoticed sometimes due to the cloud of New Year’s resolutions.
1. Changes in self-care. Going to the gym or spa. A new focus on nails or hair, etc. A new wardrobe. New emphasis on healthy eating. Again, this can get lost in the New Year’s resolution idea. But sometimes, this is a sign that the person is looking to improve themselves for a different future.
2. Lack of concern with finances. They no longer care about the budget, expenses, or financial issues. Some divorce attorneys encourage this. They encourage the inflation of one’s finances or needs for a few weeks to make the case for larger support, alimony, or settlement.
3. Lack of conflict. Wait, wouldn’t that be a good thing? The most significant warning sign is the lack of conflict or “nagging.” The spouse who was complaining or pointing things out just a few weeks or months ago no longer seems to care about these issues. It is a sign they have thrown in the towel or decided it no longer matters.
First and foremost, it's crucial to acknowledge that things don’t change without change. If your relationship is struggling, you're not alone. You know it, and your partner knows it. Recognize where you are at, and decide to put the work in. This acknowledgment is the first step towards a healthier relationship.
Things do not change without change!
1. It is common to see a couple where one person is interested in counseling and the other is not. When discussing counseling, spending time to convince someone that it is not necessary is rarely effective. Go ahead and begin the process. Let a counselor tell you both that you don’t need counseling.
2. If counseling is off the table, read through a relationship book together. Our favorites can be found here.
3. Consider a weekend marriage retreat. Our recommended retreat is called Weekend to Remember.
Blue Monday can be a catalyst for something new. It's a time to pay attention to what you are thinking and feeling. Don’t let a down January sink the rest of your year or your marriage. Instead, see it as an opportunity for positive change and growth.
Further Reading:
Main Image: Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash
Thumbnail Image: Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash
Podcast Episode Cover Image: pexels-burak-kostak-14303